‘Two Star’ & The Dreams I Can’t Let Die
Haven't decided
Everything you wanted, your life, it's yours
Come on, take what you want
Baby, take what you want
The last album that had this large of an impact on my life was Clairo’s ‘Immunity’ in 2019. The noxious, lovesick tones of ‘Closer To You’ and ‘Softly’ found me at a time when nothing else emulated what I was feeling or attempting to process on my own. This year, ‘Two Star & The Dream Police’ finds me at a monumental crossroads. A Brooklyn 20-something waking up to the potential they hold, overwhelmed by the dozens of paths that lie before them, consumed by fear, but always wanting more.
It would be the understatement of the century to say that Mk.gee’s sound has evolved since I discovered his work in the summer of 2019. I truly feel that he has grown along with his music, making his voice more audible as the years went by. Looking back, his 2020 album ‘A Museum of Contradiction’ felt like the perfect bridge between this old and current version of his artistic self. All of this is speculation on my part, and likely the most parasocial of interpretaions of his art, but I feel that I’m embarking on a similarly conflicting journey of self-expression.
In the four years between ‘Museum’ and ‘Two Star,’ my interests in music grew and changed radically, yet I would find him materialize alongside Dijon, another indie giant, devoting his energy to making another artist’s dream come to fruition. I would see the pair live in concert twice, part of my attention always focused on Mk.gee seated in a shadowy corner, wondering what he might be working on or going through.
Here in 2024, I find myself struggling with my own self-expression. It feels difficult to call myself an “artist” when my craft is barely visible. The large majority of my film photography has yet to see the light of day; how meticulously I archive and hide away my trove of visions. I am honored and forever grateful to have worked on short film and documentary projects as a freelance filmmaker, but once my attribution scrolls past in the end credits, my visibility ends.
The fear of judgement has had a stranglehold on me for practically my entire life. In weighing my own perception and thoughts against those I scroll through on the internet, I find myself odd. I want to show the world what I see and how it makes me feel, but the concern that I may come off confusing or unrelatable is haunting.
I can’t allow that to continue, for my own sake. I’m working hard to push past the mental roadblocks I’ve set up to shield myself from rejection or failure. Working to become a different version of myself, to feel more capable and open to my art, my expression, my vision.
All of this is to say that ‘Two Star & The Dream Police’ has stoked a fire in me, one that I thought died out long ago. I feel propelled toward an unknown, amorphous future; still fearing, but more determined to see what lies behind that curtain.
I dream of nothing
I dream of nothing like I used to before
Since you opened the door (yeah)
Baby, open the door
- Little Bit More, ‘Two Star & The Dream Police’